Clutch 08-2016: An Odd Tribute to an Old Friend

Clutch grew up at Shea Stadium, literally.  He has a relative who from 1976-89 headed up plumbing maintenance at the stadium. Doesn’t sound like a glamorous job, but from the perspective of a seven year old kid he had the best job in the world. How? Unlimited access to Met games…for FREE! This relative would take little Clutch with him to work on the weekends, of course only when the Metropolitans were in town.

From there launched several years of just great times. The backdrop to these fabulous years, at least the first eight, was a team that finished in last place just about every season. It wasn’t just a casual finish in last, the Mets did it in style – not cracking 70 wins in all those seasons. It got to a point where it was just assumed and the fans were institutionalized.  Kid Clutch experienced many fun, odd, unknown to the public and flat out crazy things during a period where he and everyone else patiently waited for the Calvary to arrive. As we all know they eventually did in the form of some skilled farm hands and key trades and signings.

Eventually hanging out at Shea turned into working at Shea once age minimums were met. These were some even better times as roaming around the inner workings of that haunted house now didn’t require adult supervision. It was also a better time as the team was now winning. More warm bodies in the stands and less leaving in the 8^th inning with a frown. By this time knowledge of every nook and cranny of the place was at Clutch’s fingertips. It was a good to know, until many moons later when Clutch had long separated from his best friend and someone decided to hit the place over the head with a sledgehammer. All that remains are memories and a concrete jungle where fans park their cars.

Let’s start things off with a bang, or a back kick in this matter. This is clearly the oddest, strangest and likely most unbelievable factoid about Shea Stadium.  In around 1979 on a dog day of summer mini Clutch was brought deep under the bowels of the Stadium. It’s where they stored all the big bulky equipment, had the indoor hitting cages and the like. It was a dark, unfinished and unkempt place that nobody outside of players and staff would ever see. Over in the far corner was something that was moving around and making noise. Approaching it slowly, it eventually was clear. There was a donkey living at and under Shea. One would wish this was made up like a Sid Finch sighting, but it was true.

For 36 years this was a bottom of mind mystery. The why and how a mule resided at the stadium was unsolved. Literally today with the help of Larry and Sergey that the answer was obtained. It took all but 15 seconds researching. His name was Mettle (pronounced “Met” – “Al”) and the Ass was the team mascot for that one year before being retired. It was the idea of the daughter of the owner at the time and was just one of many failures to come. Find it hard to believe? Imagine seeing it in person. Still not convinced? Spend the same 15 seconds on your own. Next time you are going to do an Internet search, type in “Shea Stadium Mettle” instead of your possible usual “Richard Simmons in shorts” and see what comes up.

The next Ripley type event some may think is evenly as odd, though the younger you are the more the scale will lean towards the strange. That’s because this type of event was a little more commonplace back in the day and something you would never see today. First off, it was a scheduled doubleheader, which in itself is odd and has been previously discussed. It’s the in-between games entertainment where things took an unusual turn. Yup, you guessed it. It was a charity softball game with the Met’s wives locking horns with the cast of “Happy Days”. Similar to the mule, you can’t make this stuff up.

Deep in the Clutch archives are actual photographic evidence of the game. The pics were not taken on an old iPhone, but likely a Kodak 110 with flash cubes and real film. If memory serves correctly, The Fonz pitched, sans his leather jacket, while a non-bald Richie Cunningham played a flawless left-field. Similar to the show, Chuck was there for the first inning, and then mysteriously disappeared. It was like he never existed. In this day and age you would never see such an activity. This is partly because cast member comradery, like the desire to play two and charge for one, no longer exists. Also, with free agency, trades and contract opt-outs, players aren’t together long enough for their wives to get to know each other, let alone form a softball team. 

There was one entrance and one exit that are worth mentioning in the same breath as oddness. Let’s start with the entrance that happened during hands down the best comeback in baseball history. We all know it simply as “Game 6”. Teenage Clutch was there and has the torn and stained ticket stub to prove it, unlike 82,000 others who claimed to have been in a stadium with capacity of around half that. Sitting in the lodge level about 20 rows back meant a good view of the field, protection from the rain but not much of a view “above” that. All of a sudden everyone upfront starts looking up. Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Was it Superman? No. It was some botchagalupe parachuting onto the field. It was the strangest thing ever seen on a baseball field until a few innings later when the Met’s mounted a comeback for the ages.

As far as exits go, this one is not anywhere near as entertaining or notable as the entrance. Long story short, a man, likely up on hard times, decided to commit suicide at Shea Stadium before the start of a day game. He jumped from the upper deck towards the outside perimeter of the stadium. A jump that of course lead to instant death and stains on the floor below.  Perhaps the only odd or interesting, and mostly unknown to the public, factoid here is the pronunciation of death. The medics had to use a large spatula to scrape the remains off the concrete. Yet, they drove him away in an ambulance and claimed the place of death was the left lane of the Grand Central Parkway. Yup, a death on stadium property was not good press. Disney and other happy places do the same thing.

There’s many more tales to tell, yarns to unwind and Shea Stadium secrets to unlock and reveal. But, the ones above are enough for now, and probably the most oddness one can tolerate in a single serving. Plus, at the rate these snippets are going then next one would probably involves Big Foot or Laverne. In the meantime, Mr. Clutch bids a belated farewell to his best childhood friend.