Clutch 04-2016 WWF Superstars

All professional sports today deal with “Fighting” in different ways.

The absolute best set of rules is in the NBA where if you leave the bench during an on-court incident you are suspended. Case closed. No appeal. Mr. Clutch is very familiar with the rule from second hand experience of watching the rule take the NY Knicks out of the 1997 playoffs. In that case five (5) star players from the team were suspended in game 6 of a 7 game series. It’s notable that the Knicks had a 3-2 game lead, and lost both games 6 and 7 due to the suspension. It’s also notable that most of the players suspended (specifically the great Patrick Ewing) simply stood up at half court and watched. No punches thrown, no aggression, just standing around cost the Knicks a playoff series win.

The absolute worst set of rules is in the MLB – where WWE style “fugazi” fighting is allowed. Note that the Clutch team specifically left NHL out of the discussion since fighting is actually real and is somewhat part of the game.

In a typical MLB melee, it usually starts with two players having issues and one of the two deciding to take the law into his own hands. Normally, the pitcher on team “A” beans hitter on team “B”. This could have been on purpose or just a slip of the pitch. It’s always an unknown and never confirmed one way or the other. The unwritten law of this immature sport is that a pitcher on team “B” retaliates by beaning a hitter on team “A”. That hitter is usually selected at random and just collateral damage.

Then the excitement or should I say entertainment starts. The two players, who technically have nothing to do with the issue, charge at each other and being some weird version of fighting. The start is usually the hitter trying to barrel through the pitcher with his head down and a waist level grab. The pitcher then takes a feminine type swing with his baseball glove, hitting the batter in the back. They then fall to the ground and roll around for a while like a bad reality TV show.

The next unwritten, and equally ridiculous, rule is that both benches completely clear and enter the squared circle, or diamond in this case. The 25 or so players on the field don’t actually do anything except surround the Gladiators. They try to give the impression that they are doing something like the famous “You better stop me before I hit that guy” phrase said from someone sitting down. It reminds me of a fun wedding where two people dance in the middle of a wide circle of friends and family.

The last and most embarrassing part of these rumbles is when the bullpen doors swing open from deep in the outfield. Mr. Clutch actually enjoys watching this part of the show. In short, a bunch of overweight out of shape middle relievers come piling out of the bullpen like clowns out of a Volkswagen. The best part is that most of them run out of steam way before they reach anywhere near the infield, and end up huffing and puffing bent over with hands on their knees. In addition to not having a chance to contribute to the melee, they don’t even get to see it as they are too busy grasping for air.

Yeah, when the umpires finally break it up a couple of players are kicked out of the game. But that’s usually where the punishment ends. Who cares? Sometimes they throw in a $10,000 fine. Again, who cares? Once in a blue moon a player gets “Suspended”. It’s in quotes, because with the strength of the players union the suspension will be appealed to some point in the future that never seems to come. None of those sentences will ever prevent MLB players from getting in a future fight.

An open letter to the brass at MLB: Please either enforce real punishment for fighting, something in the ballpark (no pun intended) of what the NBA does, or at least let the players really go at it like in the NHL.  The way it works now is just silly. 

Clutch 03-2016: Record Breaking Schedule Solution

The Internet rumor-mill has been swirling with some nonsense about lessening the MLB regular season schedule back to 154 games or so. Thankfully it will likely never happen, at least not in our lifetime. The reasons why it won’t happen are not the ones that a fan of the sport would have thought. Listen, 154 games is enough. It’s enough to determine which teams should win the division and make the playoffs via the wildcard. It’s enough to fill any fans void of watching baseball games. It’s enough for the players who seem to wear out towards the end of the season like an old pair of shoes.

But, as a fan of statistics of the game and records I pray to the baseball Gods that it never happens. The plain and simple reason is that is screws up and asterisks every record that’s out there. Team records and more importantly individual player records will all be askew. This affects both the holders of existing records and those trying to break them. Eight less games equates to roughly 32 less at bats, two less starts and all the rest.

Owners will refuse to let this happen for the even plainer and simpler economics of it. Four less home games means a minimum of 80,000 or so less fans clicking through the turn-style. With an average (low assumption) $50 spend per, that’s a conservative loss of $4,000,000. Not the end of the world for someone who owns a baseball team, but hey, it puts gas in the yacht and pays the electric bill at the Hamptons house.

The reason MLB wants the shorter schedule is mostly weather driven. They are trying to eliminate the early April snow-outs and the November freeze-outs. With the World Series seeming to end later in later in the year, one day we might see a Thanksgiving promotion. The league either wants the season to start later or end earlier, or a little bit of both. They think the only way to do this is to shorten the schedule.

Well, Mr. Clutch has the answer. It somewhat solves everyone’s problems. It’s not a new answer, but bringing back something from the past. It’s called the “Scheduled Doubleheader”. Mr. Clutch remembers the old old days of waiting patiently for the Met’s schedule to come out for the purpose of circling the dates of all the scheduled doubleheaders. These were usually the dog days of Summer Sundays. This thought process solves the shrinking of the “Schedule” and would lessen the range of dates games are played. It would also keep the record-keeping intact with the 162 game schedule. The home run king would truly be that. We are almost there…we almost have the answer. There is one problem though.

The problem is that the owners will never sign off on a single entry doubleheader. That, unfortunately, is as extinct as the Velociraptor. Though it solves “Most” of the problems, the revenue would still be at the 154 base. The tweak to the solution is to do what is done today when there is a plethora of away game rainouts. It’s a rip-off to the client base, but does work. It’s the dual-entry doubleheader also known as the day-night doubleheader.  Game one ends, kick everyone out, wait a few hours, then charge them again.

Hail to the good old days when money wasn’t everything and the fans were able to enjoy a full and extended day of live baseball without breaking the bank. And if you got lucky you would run into the starting left fielder of your favorite team working at a hardware store during the off season to make ends meet.

Clutch 02-2016: Suspense

The term "Suspended" is usually prefaced or refaced by something not so good. Candidates "Suspend" their campaign, which is Sputnik for they quit. Kids get "Suspended" from school for starting a hallway fight (Sorry Mr. Tesler, it really wasn't my fault). And of course pretty boy baseball players get "Suspended" for all sorts of things. Yes, they are pretty boys - because the suspensions are a joke in the real world. Maybe they mean something over in fantasy-land.

For starters, no pun intended, how many times have you seen this scenario? Pitcher "A" throws and hits Batter "A". Pitcher "B" throws and hits Batter "B". The penalty? One or both of the starting pitchers face a 3 game suspension. The joke part? Under normal circumstances the game-plan is for them to sit on the pine for the next four games until their next turn in the rotation is up. So, basically the crime was committed with absolutely no justice. 

Or, how about the fugazi appeal? We all remember the dirty Chase Utley play. In the playoffs he bulldozes in an acre away from the base and breaks a guys leg. MLB acts on it right away with a multiple-game suspension. Great. Justice served. The Dodgers will be without a player, albeit not a key cog, for the rest of the playoffs! Sorry Charlie. Utley appeals, and the goons over at MLB can't see to get together to hear the appeal on a timely basis. Result? Un gotz. Three months later on a snowy day MLB quietly dismisses the case.

The reason for all this suspenseful chatter is yet another bogus penalty seen on the evening news. Former Met Jose Reyes gets locked up for beating up his wife in Hawaii during the off season. Just another case of a guy who has everything and is trying to throw it all away. Pending police charges, MLB suspends Jose "Indefinitely". Finally they did the right thing. So I thought. Jose is suspended "With Pay", which means he is being rewarded for his actions. He did not need to report to spring training and workout in the heat. Instead he stayed in his air-conditioned villa watching Judge shows. Now that the real police dropped the charges, MLB has to figure out what they are going to do. My guess? Nothing.

To give MLB a little bit of credit, they do have real punishments for the apparently more important stuff like steroid use. 50 games, then 100, then you are out for good. Hold please. That's after ignoring it and allowing it to happen for a decade. A decade in which ballparks filled up and we literally watched ballplayers get bigger before our eyes. PEDs would be available in locker-room vending machines today if some of the those big name players didn't get caught with their pants down (literally in the case of players injecting in the buttocks).

Dear MLB brass. Cut it ought. Tell the players union to take a hike. Their clients get paid millions to hit a ball. Punish them by taking away their money. And not those $10,000 fines which is 10 cents to the average American. Big money fines that need to go to charity. Incidentally - nobody knows where the fine money goes now. Probably their steak luncheons, hunting and fishing trips, corporate jets and golden parachutes. How about helping someone for a change.

In closing, here's a riddle....How do you keep a dorky baseball fan in suspense? Answer: I'll tell you next week.

Clutch 01-2016: TWIB Notes

Yes, it feels like just yesterday when Mr. Clutch and millions of others got their baseball news on Saturday afternoon watching the great show "This Week in Baseball" hosted by the legendary Mel Allen. Who won the Met game? You either called "Sports Phone"  (976-1313 if memory serves me correctly), or waited for the daily news to be delivered to your house by a "Paperboy". Extinct of course is the Paperboy, and the newspaper is not too far behind it. To keep with the anthropology terms, the newspaper is an endangered species.

Now, the news is instant. Tweets come in about a walk off home run as the player in question is still rounding the bases. You can read a pitcher's MRI before Dr. Andrews does. It's just the nature of the times we live in.  Not only does the public want news and information immediately, they want to know everything about everybody. The concept of "Following", "Friending" and "Linking" to strangers to know their every move is just commonplace.

The point of all this and it's relevance to baseball is that the sport has gone from checkers to chess. What? It's all about strategy based upon gathered information and data and no longer about just playing the game. Case in point, MLB teams now send a stat nerd on the road with teams. They crunch numbers and literally call down to the dugout to tell the manager to move the left fielder two steps in or out, left or right. This is because the data analytics tells him so. 

What ever happened to instinct, feel, a whim or good old using of the noggin to figure these type of things out. We are not too far away from their being no reason to actually play the games. Just run the lineups through a simulator and spit out the results. Kind of like the MicroLeague computer baseball game from back in the day. You set the lineup and the game played itself. Or in an analog world, the great Strat-o-matic.

It's just a matter of time until the machines totally take over. It's Cyberdyne systems in the making. John Connor where are you?

Clutch 00-2016: An In-depth Look at the Met's and Scott Kazmir

No reason to go that deep.

As we all know the Mets traded the minor-leaguer in 2004 for Victor Zambrano to help with a playoff run. Victor wasn't even the best "Zambrano" in the league then, let alone a good pitcher.

1. The Rays (Devilrays back then) called Kazmir up from the minors immediately. Why didn't the Met's just do that? Kazmir won 2 games in 2004...Zambrano? "0".

2. Kazmir through a gem yesterday for the Dodgers...12 years later. Zambrano? Had a sub-par year in 2005 and then pitched 40 more innings combined in 2006/7 before hanging up his cleats. Where he is now? Parts unknown, weight unknown.

http://m.mlb.com/news/article/170713950/scott-kazmir-strong-in-dodgers-debut

3. General note on the quirks and misunderstandings of baseball (This might be my next book). In ALL other major sports (NBA, NFL, NHL, etc.) a player competes in the big leagues when selected in a draft (either out of college, or high-school these days). They are ready to compete there and then. The only exception is MLB - where players need to be groomed for several years in the minor leagues, especially pitchers. I never quite understood that. The only recent exception to this is the NBA D-League where un-drafted players and castaways can fight their way to or back into the light. Even there, the D league is not pre-school for future NBA players. It's just a place to keep some reasonable talent fresh in the event that a current player twists an ankle. For the NBA  - the pre-school is called college. That's another Clutch rant for another day.